What kind of attention do girls want

A friend of mine who does a lot of television interviews told me he loves to be on TV, and is happy with almost any chance he can get to be on there.

Even me — someone who avoids most publicity and takes pains to not have his face out there much took me 4. Probably not. The difference between the male drive for attention and the female drive for attention is this: men want attention as a means to an end; for women, attention is the end itself.

A man wants attention he can use. He wants a pretty girl to notice him so he can meet her, date her, and sleep with her. He wants to be a social media star so he can get access to cool parties and shag hot girls. He wants to be on TV to promote his book, his product, his offer, and to meet celebrities and impress the people in his day-to-day life to get more business, more contacts, and more sex.

Of course, all this attention does have real and practical benefits to women. A woman who is highly desired has her choice of men. A woman who is the envy of other women is, again, going to be sought after by high caliber men, impressed at how envied she is by other women, and she is a woman who will have leverage with other women who want to be around her to get some degree of access to her social cachet.

And some women will use attention as means-to-an-end, too. Sure, they might want to hook up. But they want attention more.

And all the boys will wonder how the heck I do it. For women though, gathering this kind of attention is absolutely worth the energy to get it. Yet as I got to knew her better, I discovered she just had a tighter attention focus. She wanted to have a lot of my attention, and maybe a little from a few other people important to her.

Every coupled woman well Not necessarily super attentive, but at least decently attentive. Different women have different attention needs. Some women need lots of attention from lots of people. But all women need attention. Lots and lots of women do, though.

While as women get older, they do become more practical focused older and more sexually experienced women can be a lot more mission-oriented with regard to sex, for instance , they still have a much stronger drive for attention than ordinary men. The two most important realizations to have about women who insert themselves into your awareness:. Women who have the capacity to provide value to my life must provide it if they want the attention from me they seek.

You realize there are ways women compete for your attention that offer potential value to you, and ways women compete for your attention that only waste your time and energy. A woman who flirts with you and complies at least a bit when you ask her to comply is a woman who potentially provides value to you. A woman who does good work for you as an employee or is helpful as a colleague is a woman who provides value to you.

A woman who is a good one-night stand , friend-with-benefits , girlfriend , or wife is a woman who provides value to you. So long as the ways these women try to get your attention are primarily flirtatious, helpful, or fun, they will usually be a net positive to your life.

This is why you must screen women for whether they will be liabilities to your life or not before you swing the door open for them. Let in the girls who will help you as much as you help them; keep out the ones who will drain you.

Beyond women who provide or potentially provide value to your life, however, there are also a host of women who do not provide value to your life, yet work tirelessly to command as much of your attention as possible. It is imperative to ignore these women as much as you possibly can.

Cool, no worries ignore. All those things are attention. Lucky you! Crazy girls who just want your sympathy , like women who trot out abuse stories, for instance. She can be that girl. You should thank her for this with your attention, of course. If you want to have an interesting political discussion with a woman, find an open-minded woman trained in logic who is politically curious but not politically obstinate.

Obviously that must be valuable. Investment thieves. For instance, she needs help with an assignment, so she approaches you and is all smiles and bubbly and talks with you for a minute, then asks you for your aid. You may scratch your head, wondering if you did something wrong. And oh look! Another chance to help her and get in her good graces!

And on and on it goes. When a woman is an investment thief, the easiest way to stop her pilfering investment from you is simply to not invest in her. This is an example of means-to-an-end attention seeking. Attention whores. For obvious reasons. All these forms of attention seeking are enabled by men responding to it. Women get away with behavior like this because men do not ignore it. Instead, men respond like robots to button pushes.

A woman pushes the button, and the man responds. She pushes the button again, and the man responds again. She pushes the button a third time, and the man responds a third time. Why do men respond to behavior that offers them zero gain? Too much leisure, not enough important things to do , no sense of purpose. Women gain mainstream political power only inside safe, dominant, mature civilizations like ancient Greece, the Roman Empire, the Abbasid Caliphate, and the modern West because only when men are not busy fighting for survival do they have the bandwidth and soft spots to respond to behavior like the above.

Spend any time in the third world, and you will notice that while the men of most third world regions can be bossed around and taken advantage of by the women there too, they are significantly more assertive about going for what they want, and are far more skeptical of attention-seeking behavior by women. For instance:. Some of the less scrupulous men from these regions may even just grab or fondle an overly attention-seeking woman; the result is that women tend to be more conservative in the signals they put out.

Men in much of Asia respond to female attention seeking by just ignoring it, on the other hand. Again, the result is women employ less attention-seeking behavior, to not look foolish or undesired when such behavior is ignored or treated like something awkward or improper.

Yet, with sufficiently abundant resources, it becomes much harder for men to argue against women wanting more access to those resources, to share those resources with others, or to allow citizens to opt out of their duties to civilization. At that point, non-value-providing women crop up everywhere. Just about every women lectures and scolds sometimes. But not all men are equally immune to it. And it is one that manifests itself in an environment of permissive men.

Stop being a chump, and the behavior goes away. Even with many women who are used to doing it with everyone. For the attention-seeking woman, who does not seem like she wants to provide value to your life, ask her for investment i. A friend of mine recently slept with a self-proclaimed hardcore bisexual progressive feminist. This friend of mine is about as far from left-wing as you could get.

Yet once he had this girl in bed, some of her political views became a lot less rigid Women can only use you for attention to the extent you allow them to use you for it. As soon as you realize it is perfectly okay to ignore women who do not provide value to you — even better if you are so damn busy or on such an important mission that it is not feasible for you to waste time on women unwilling to provide appropriate value for the time and energy they want from you — suddenly, all the women in your life start to behave a lot more womanly, a lot more considerately, and deliver you a lot more value.

The attention of a needy, always-available male is not a good substitute for that of a busy, dominant, important male.

Not remotely so. Other qualities like being Caucasian or having big muscles or being famous are sometimes included in this mix. Such a male is generally defined as tough, independent, an asshole , more selfish than ordinary men though not necessarily completely self-centered, and possibly more community-minded , and surrounded by lusty women.

None of the qualities describing these men are bad. Not even the feminist ones empathy is a very useful quality , for instance. However, none of these qualities are the ultimate signifiers of a high value male. They are only some potential qualities such a male may have.

There are men who have many or most of these qualities, yet do not get what they want in life and do not do well with women. We spoke to R. Alford, Senior Counselor at 1to1Help.

So many women crave attention from only or mostly those men who are emotionally unavailable, or seem to not be into them much. For some women, this is almost like a challenge they take up. Alford explained why this happens. Tracy Ann. He likes me And what happens when the attention is finally returned? The Conversation Start a conversation, not a fire. Post with kindness.